Three little words, Nine little letters
I’ve been told that silence is the essence of pain.
And that sometimes it’s simply impossible to be sane.
I never believed them, the clichés that had been used.
But then again, I had never been so invisibly bruised.
Silence is the essence of pain and keeping my truths inside
is destroying my life and drowning me in lies.
I know it’s unconventional, for me to want to tell you.
And I’m fully aware that it’s possible you already knew.
But I needed to hear me say the words in my own tone,
and for someone to hear them besides me alone.
This isn’t something that I want many to know,
And I understand that this is quite a secret to bestow.
Please understand that I’m trusting you not to expose,
But also that it’s supposed to help when someone else knows.
I chose you because you’ve always listened to what I’ve said,
and because you never judged the chaos in my head.
After you know, I’m praying that I won’t change in your eyes,
and I’m confident that you’d be there if I needed you to advise.
I’m not divulging because I want pity or you would want to hear,
rather that I need support and understanding that’s sincere.
So I’ll straighten my posture, force my shoulders back,
and take the deepest breath I’ve had since before the attack.
I’ll open my mouth, and will my vocal cords will vibrate,
Even though I’m ready, don’t be surprised if I hesitate.
Maybe you won’t understand, it’s just three little words to utter,
but those nine letters will be the hardest I’ve ever had to stutter.
My lips will part, and I’ll forget to exhale
long before my battle with words will prevail.
But with the exhalation comes a reminder of your trust,
and I start to cry, and you won’t understand, it’s just…
I
was
raped.
